The Key to Happiness from my 7 year-old Mentor

Occasionally I have one or both of my nephews around to stay with me at the weekend, they are currently aged 5 and 7. This usually gives me the opportunity to regress a bit and have a lot of fun.

I get to play games and eat unhealthily for a day or two whilst they get the freedom to do pretty much what they like. As they are not ready to own the merits of eating healthily I have adopted their mentality whilst they are staying. Meanwhile, I get to pick their brains for the pearls of wisdom that they occasionally present.

I have a habit of asking them questions that I have yet to find an answer to and indeed probably never will. "What is the key to the universe?" and "What is the secret to life?" are things I have pondered for many hours.

Over the years I have asked them such questions and have been given answers that both astound and amuse. "Doing good farts," was an old favourite of them both in response to the above questions, for a good while.

Whilst sitting down for lunch last weekend I asked "What is the secret to everlasting happiness?" My eldest nephew, Connor, looked up and said "Look after yourself."

His tone was questioning, yet his response struck a chord with me. I knew that looking after myself was a good idea but I do not always do it. I do meditate. exercise and walk a lot "but I could do more," is a well rehearsed line that soon followed.

The tyranny of the word "but" suddenly came into play. In one second I had dismissed all of the good work that I do. But dismisses all of the content that has gone before it. It is dismissive, finite and pointless in a context like this.

I know that as far as health is concerned that I am in the higher reaches of the population in looking after myself. Using the word and, instead of but, is a much more productive linguistic structure after acknowledging something positive.

It is certain that I could do more to be healthier and look after myself better but (and this is a good context to use it) when I compare myself now to where I was last year I walk more, drink more water, eat healthier and exercise more. It is about momentum and mine has been in the right direction.

Most of my changes have been slight and manageable, without causing major or immediate shifts. However (a word that is virtually the same as but!) over time major shifts occur.

So, the lesson from Connor has deeper reaches. Looking after myself is not just about taking action to feel better it's about giving myself proper credit for the changes that I have made.

Part of this process is allowing myself to venture into less healthy practices occasionally, like eating occasional junk foods with my nephews. It is important for me to realize the lessons that I learnt whilst nursing. Namely, that how I speak to myself will have much more impact on my health than what I do to myself.

Only by becoming my own best friend will I ever be a truly healthy individual. The key to happiness is indeed looking after myself, by giving myself more credit for what I have done and being less harsh for what I haven't. It also helps to play a lot, laugh a lot and let loose

What is love?

As I grew up my understanding of love was that it was a feeling of peace, connection and timeless flow that lifted one's spirits to soaring heights. However, on a more practical level, based on the fact that I loved my parents, love was an evolving package of mixed emotions that I experienced when I loved someone else whose mood kept changing. If you truly love someone you will accept any emotional state that they experience – and deal with consequences of any actions that result from it.

At a less technical level – unconditional love has no bounds.

I have often contemplated what love is and had some very different insights and opinions on the subject as time evolved. A friend once told me that it was a short-term hormonal imbalance. Whilst this has amused me for many years I think that it is a good illustration of many people's reality of love.

Love in its purest form is an overwhelming connection with someone or something. The more connections we have, the more love we allow into our lives. There may be those of you thinking that this is easier said than done – you're right. Only those of you who truly release fear by loving your past, will experience more love.

There are some things that are fact....

- Bad things happen
- It is our choice as to what is good or bad
- You have the power to choose to be happy
- Allow yourself to release your past and future and you will be in the now - this is all that is real

True love could be considered in several different ways. For some it is the happy emotional state that appears in fleeting moments of passion. For others it may be a perpetual state of connection with all that is. Either way, nobody has the same definition of what love is.

For many years I had no idea of what love was and became a bit confused. It sounded good but it hurt so much. It's capricious nature was all too confusing for my limited understanding of the subject. I thought that maybe I was just dysfunctional and that love was an alien concept to me. Fortunately, I adapted accordingly and proceeded with my life. The insight that this experience has given me is priceless.

Every experience in my life has led me to where I am now, as has yours. Do you accept the gift of all that has happened in your life to become a person of power? Power to take control of your life, love yourself and give to others by looking after yourself first.

Until you are truly grateful for all that you have you will not have love. Love is a decision – in any given moment. It's a decision to be grateful for what you have and to accept what you don't. Just by being grateful we send out positive energy, which affects everyone around us. By writing to someone and thanking them for being in your life you can transform their day. By telling them yourself you instantly transform both of your lives.

When you love someone you will accept anything they do – the moment that you don't – your love has become conditional. This is an impure love and is based on fear.

Since it is not within your power to change others at will – why not focus all of your attention on the one person who you can change at will - you. Every moment is new and you can decide to be anyone you want at any time.

The ability to really love yourself is the key to unconditional love. Although this may sound pompous or even arrogant, it is fundamental. Personally, the phrase "love yourself" had many negative connotations from my school days. These had to be released in order that I could love myself again.

A simple exercise is to close your eyes, take some deep breaths, smile and send love to your past. Thank your past for creating you and allowing you to love. Do this for as long as you like.

In the ever-evolving game of love you will find it easiest when you love yourself first. When this happens you may well find that magical things start to happen. I wish you all much love in your quest to accept yourself – unconditionally.