The Key to Happiness from my 7 year-old Mentor

Occasionally I have one or both of my nephews around to stay with me at the weekend, they are currently aged 5 and 7. This usually gives me the opportunity to regress a bit and have a lot of fun.

I get to play games and eat unhealthily for a day or two whilst they get the freedom to do pretty much what they like. As they are not ready to own the merits of eating healthily I have adopted their mentality whilst they are staying. Meanwhile, I get to pick their brains for the pearls of wisdom that they occasionally present.

I have a habit of asking them questions that I have yet to find an answer to and indeed probably never will. "What is the key to the universe?" and "What is the secret to life?" are things I have pondered for many hours.

Over the years I have asked them such questions and have been given answers that both astound and amuse. "Doing good farts," was an old favourite of them both in response to the above questions, for a good while.

Whilst sitting down for lunch last weekend I asked "What is the secret to everlasting happiness?" My eldest nephew, Connor, looked up and said "Look after yourself."

His tone was questioning, yet his response struck a chord with me. I knew that looking after myself was a good idea but I do not always do it. I do meditate. exercise and walk a lot "but I could do more," is a well rehearsed line that soon followed.

The tyranny of the word "but" suddenly came into play. In one second I had dismissed all of the good work that I do. But dismisses all of the content that has gone before it. It is dismissive, finite and pointless in a context like this.

I know that as far as health is concerned that I am in the higher reaches of the population in looking after myself. Using the word and, instead of but, is a much more productive linguistic structure after acknowledging something positive.

It is certain that I could do more to be healthier and look after myself better but (and this is a good context to use it) when I compare myself now to where I was last year I walk more, drink more water, eat healthier and exercise more. It is about momentum and mine has been in the right direction.

Most of my changes have been slight and manageable, without causing major or immediate shifts. However (a word that is virtually the same as but!) over time major shifts occur.

So, the lesson from Connor has deeper reaches. Looking after myself is not just about taking action to feel better it's about giving myself proper credit for the changes that I have made.

Part of this process is allowing myself to venture into less healthy practices occasionally, like eating occasional junk foods with my nephews. It is important for me to realize the lessons that I learnt whilst nursing. Namely, that how I speak to myself will have much more impact on my health than what I do to myself.

Only by becoming my own best friend will I ever be a truly healthy individual. The key to happiness is indeed looking after myself, by giving myself more credit for what I have done and being less harsh for what I haven't. It also helps to play a lot, laugh a lot and let loose

Resource management, magic, beards and cookies

  Sometimes it is easy to ignore the opportunities or magic that stare one in the face. This week, on my Santa, leaflet-delivery campaign around the neighbourhood I dressed up as Santa, once again, and prepared to go out. Having just broken up from school my nephew, Connor, decided that he wanted to go out with me - and he wanted to dress as Santa as well.

  This led to a trip into Borehamwood to see what we could find. On a pre-Christmas market day it was pretty busy. All of the main stores had no more Santa suits of any description. We had all but given up as we walked down the high street and back towards the car.

  I then noticed a shop that was closing down. They had minimal stock and I couldn't see any immediately obvious Santa suits. However, tucked in the corner were the final 3 junior costumes. Junior Santa was unleashed in that moment.

  I took Connor to pass out some leaflets with me. It was something that he took to like a duck to water. His genuine excitement at meeting new people was a refreshing angle on how to approach door-to-door encounters.

  After a tentative start on the first few houses he soon fell into his flow. He handed my flyers to all that answered the door, connecting with everyone. I have no doubt that he added leverage to my message and he made the process much more fun than it already was for me. Watching him connect with small children, who just looked on in amazement, was a magical experience. 

  Cars and even buses beeping and people waving as we walked down the road brought about a bit more magic. 

  One funny event was being spotted by a group of Connor's friends, claiming that I was not the real Santa. As we walked down the road I was pursued by this group of 5-6 year-olds claiming that I couldn't be real because my beard wasn't real and I wasn't fat enough. They advised me that I needed to eat a lot more cookies to achieve the weight that would make me look more real. 

  I'm not sure that the cookie, crash weight-gain advice will be enough to give me sufficient authenticity between now and Christmas. However, I will know to model the cookie monster next year and start growing a beard now if I'm ever going to convince the more shrewd members of the community of my seasonal status.

  As for Connor - all he wants to know is when we can go out and deliver more leaflets. A better intervention for a new business has surely yet to be discovered.